＂Post-1995＂ college students suffer from ＂fear of starting school＂ Expert： Facing the problem directly is the key
As the school day approaches, Su Xue, a prospective freshman at Zhejiang Sci-Tech University, has a whisper in his heart — — At the thought of meeting new classmates, I began to feel flustered, nervous and even afraid.
This is also the legendary "school phobia".
As a susceptible group of "fear of starting school", Tian Dongyue, a junior, said that the mood before starting school is very complicated, including the happiness of being free from parents’ verbosity and having certain economic dominance, and the pressure brought by schoolwork. "Starting school is a junior, and the schoolwork in the new semester is very heavy, so it is rare to have a rest every week. Because I study history, I have to study hard, so my classmates around me are working hard."
But what makes Tian Dongyue "head big" is interpersonal relationship. Because she still stays in a student club this semester, she immediately faces the challenge of leading her younger brothers and sisters to recruit new students. "The competition between clubs is fierce and she often needs to negotiate with people", which makes her a little scared. In her opinion, when facing others, she should always maintain a high mood, and pretending to be emotional is really too tired. However, in many social occasions, she has to fake a smile or pretend to be indifferent, and then find an excuse to leave. "Now when I encounter an unfamiliar environment, I will subconsciously want to run away."
In this regard, Li Jiayan, a senior at Hebei University of Economics and Business, shared the same feeling. She said that when she was walking on the road, she was particularly afraid of meeting acquaintances. Sometimes she saw friends far away, but once she found that the other party didn’t see herself, she immediately turned around and went another way. If you really can’t avoid it, you will be very embarrassed and suffering when you are waiting for a greeting. In communication, Li Jiayan adheres to the principle of "if you can solve it online, you can solve it online", "if you can send text, you will never make a phone call" and "if you can not talk, you will not talk".
Li Jiayan thinks that socializing is a very troublesome thing. At school, because of the club, I often have to communicate with many people at the same time, and I will feel very annoyed when I look at the endless messages on my mobile phone. Sometimes at home parties, parents will complain that they always play mobile phones and don’t like to talk, but they just don’t want to talk and keep playing mobile phones.
Tian Dongyue also thought that the fear of socializing mainly stems from his inferiority complex and his concern for other people’s opinions. When she was a child, she was often out of the same band with others because of her "brain circuit", and her speech was not taken seriously, and she gradually developed an introverted personality.
Yu Hua, a supervision expert of Beijing 12355 Youth Legal and Psychological Counseling Center, has contacted many college students who dropped out of school because of the inadaptability of interpersonal relationship. "Some people ask him to go out and buy a steamed bun and hold his fist with his head held high, just like going to fight with others instead of buying steamed bread." In his view, if this negative emotion is serious, students will waste a lot of energy and time, and even their study and work will be greatly hindered. How to get along with others is a very important content in life.
On the other hand, in Hua’s view, many children, especially the only-child generation, are more self-centered. Parents and family members around this child will project their own experience to the child, making the child feel that they are very important and that they are the core, paying too much attention to the influence of the outside world on "I" and transferring this influence to all aspects of life through association. Therefore, many college students’ expectations of happiness will be high, and once they encounter external setbacks, they will easily retreat, unwilling to contact with the outside world, and turn to the virtual world on the Internet, where they will be more relaxed and comfortable.
In addition to family, in the process of children’s growth, the education that guides children how to communicate with others is relatively lacking in the education system. "The study task is heavy, the competition among students is fierce, and the education related to interpersonal communication is simplified".
Tian Dongyue has never told others about her own fear. She has been trying to control herself from revealing this emotion and not letting others be her own emotional trash can. When she is very sad, she will choose to send a Weibo instead of a circle of friends. "I don’t want too many people to care about me and comfort me. Everything will be fine anyway!" Tian Dongyue has been giving himself such psychological hints, trying to keep himself busy and then be cheerful.
Liu Boyi, who started his first year as a graduate student, feels that he is the kind of person who "won’t come to work" and is very slow to strangers. I have also mentioned this problem to my family, but there is no more effective way for my family to overcome it except persuasion. "Sometimes I will loop a song with my eyes closed and give myself space." Liu Boyi believes that "this is not a shortcoming, but it does not belong to many people ‘ Long-sleeved and good at dancing ’ People. "
Yu Hua told China Youth Daily and Zhongqing Online reporter that this negative emotion of social fear has different effects on different types of students, and some may adapt to it and find that social interaction is not so terrible; Some may get deeper and deeper in it and develop into mental diseases such as anxiety and depression.
The fork in the road between these two development paths is their own attitude. According to Yu Hua, students of the former type are more adaptable, such as going to the teacher to ask questions, "I’m nervous, I’m afraid, but I have to do this." Then after he really does it, he will find that he is not so afraid. This will form a positive psychological suggestion and develop in a benign direction. The latter type of students mainly escape, the more they escape, the smaller the living space, and finally stay at home.
"So whether they can overcome this fear mainly depends on whether they can face the problem and solve it when facing it. For example, if you have a conflict with your classmate and he ignores you, you can communicate directly or even change. Not ‘ If you ignore me, I will ignore you ’ 。” Yu Hua said.
Li Peibei, a counselor at the School of Atmospheric Sciences of Lanzhou University, believes that students who are afraid of socializing are partly because they are not adapted to group life and are not good at taking care of everyone’s emotions in the group. Over time, contradictions gradually arise, causing fear of socializing. It is suggested that students should join more student organizations, start with their own interests, and have more intersections with other students under the guidance of their interests.
In addition, Yu Hua also suggested that parents should not only pay attention to their children, but also guide their children to care more about their parents and change the state of "self-centeredness". You can also use the winter and summer vacations to let children do some service work and better understand interpersonal communication.
"At the same time, the school should also increase relevant courses or practical activities on interpersonal communication, so that children can get out of the network and the dormitory and experience the feelings between people in real life. Once they gain something from it, they will gradually form a positive psychological suggestion in their hearts and melt their fears a little." Yu Hua said.
(At the request of the students interviewed, Liu Boyi, Su Xue and Li Jiayan are all pseudonyms. )
China Youth Daily Zhongqing Online Trainee Reporter Sun Qingling Intern Du Fu